maiamayhem (maiamayhem) wrote,

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I suck

The most embarassing thing about failing is when you actually write about it and have to own up to it. Ugh! So...I failed on my Master Cleanse. i did it for a day, but without air coditioning, I felt tired, hot, weak, irritable and just not ready for the commitment. What makes it worse, too, is that I am on summer vacation so I dont have anything to do except lay around and think about how hungry I am. It's like "Hey Maia, you had a really busy year! Why don't you just work out a lot and just eat better?". Well, I listened. And I am. I have been really down lately. Really, really down. I don't really have anything to do and things in my personal life are difficult. Not impossible, just difficult. I am hoping and praying things get better. I want a STABLE life with less stress and more happiness. I guess I need to start focusing my energies on making this happening, or at least visualizing it so it can become a relaity. Someone told me meditation is like the energy I put forth towards worrying, but changing the thought process to poisitive things. That really hit home. I have been a negative person full of anxiety and worry for so many years. it is hard for me to think this way. I think my father, who was the biggest worry wart and was so full of nervous energy, rubbed off on me. It makes for a difficult life. Exercise really does wonders for me, so I am headed off to the gym to do some elliptical and running. I know it will boost my spirits. A good sweat is always good. Here is my first positive thought of the day (I am going to try and do one every time I write in my journal): Everything is going to be ok. No matter what life challenges come my way, I am equipped and ready to take them on. Everything will work out in the end. They always do.

Have a nice day.
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